This is the second in a series of emails that I recently sent out to my support system. You can see the first one, as well as a little intro to this series, here.
Praised be Jesus Christ!
Good evening everyone!
Thank you all so much for your prayers and kind words throughout this week – you are such an encouragement, and I really do need your accountability!
As promised, below you will find the running record I’ve been keeping this week of situations that are fear triggers for me in my relationships with my family. I would say I give in to fear about 99.6% of the time when these things come up. Would you help me pray strength into these areas?
May God reward you, dear hearts, for so generously supporting me and participating in the work the Lord is doing in my family.
THE LIST! (in no particular order)
“But God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but of power and love and self control.” – 2Timothy 1:7
– The thought of returning home next Wednesday after my trip to LA
– Discussing spiritual things with my dad, answering his questions, reading spiritual books with him.
– When my dad tells me to, “Pray about it.” or gives me any kind of spiritual advice.
– Dinner table conversation
– Getting home/parents getting home after work
– When my parents are busy with something and I’m in the room. (Do I say something? Stay out of the way? What should I say? What would I want to say if I wasn’t afraid? What am I afraid of, anyway? — these are the questions that run through my mind and paralyze me)
– Holidays, family gatherings, sitting at the “grown up table”
– Sharing my worries/struggles w/ parents (Dad: fear of criticism. Mom: fear of adding to her anxiety, pushing her over the edge) (Note: my mom isn’t really near “the edge” most of the time anymore. The fear is mostly a carry-over from childhood, combined with the fact that I live with her so I see clearly what happens to her when the boys share their problems with her. Namely, they become her problems. I don’t want to do that to her, and my self-worth is really tied up with my ability to deal with my own problems.)
– Talking about reproductive health/sexuality
– Whenever there’s tension or stress in the room